Wednesday, September 28, 2005

CRAP stuff i found somewhere


In a Past Life...

You Were: An Evil Executor of Sacrifices.

Where You Lived: Egypt.

How You Died: Killed in Battle.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

You Are 80% Boyish and 20% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.
You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.
Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.
You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Green Bulk

Your Superpower is Paranormal

Your Weakness is Love

Your Weapon is Your Golden Arrows

Your Mode of Transportation is Love Van

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"
What's Your Power Color?

Your Blog Should Be Orange

Your writing has a star quality - it's charming, bold, and flamboyant.
You write what's on your mind, without fear of embarrassment later.
You are one of the most honest bloggers around, and people appreciate your daring persona.

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

You Are 24 Years Old

You Are 45% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.
You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.
For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.
Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

Your Summer Ride is a Jeep

For you, summer is all about having no responsibilities.
You prefer to hang with old friends - and make some new ones.

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

30% Yankee

10% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

New BLOg!!

I know I said that I wont post till oc 4th but then mad mind got all F@##$% up so just made another blog:D.... had sometime today.. dint want to think too much coz brainz too tired .. .. so u can check i out if u nt 2 that is ... just love the background...

p.s the link is in my links ..... or here it is any way---> ORGANICK

Love ,

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My prescription

Dr.Kalmuhe Dabbeywala,
Dabbeywala polyclinic,
ring road centre,

ALL cures for all diseases!!gaurantee!!
No satisfy ..? Then money back gaurantee also
special qualifed in all GIRLS andWOMENS problems, all Gents problems also will no problem.
(Appointment not required- doctor is friendly become nice fastly.)

Patient name-Swati
Sex-not saying truth (mebby??)..
weigth: not wanting to see

Symtoms: Little uneasy, more sleeping, all words little mixed saying like dont know ,too much english talking,now talking about physical also.

Diagonsis: test in all subjects,so not knowing anything and failing type.


pink goli--------- O------O------O
green goli-------- O-------O
( before going to sleep)

Recommened :not going for exam best!(or will nervus brekdown)
plz sanction leave for 10 days.

(for cashier:take 35 rupees for medical certificate)

come again when ceritficated wants.

Dr.Kalmuhey Dabbeywala

(p.s .this is write by I under influence of impending examinations . all pjs plz be forgived and also quality of post. will not post more till oct 4th.. all enjoy break from I till then..!! will be back!!)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Excercise-that unnecessary evil

Started with walks .....(no i did not volunteer... dun look at me like that!!)
Day1. mom wakes me up at 5:00am!!(blasphemious but yes!!)
Day2. mom wakes me up at 5:00am!!(this time i win!!!)
Day3. mom wakes me up at 5:08am!!( i do wake up..have to use the new tracks yaar!!)
Day4. mom will wake me up at 5:00am!!(Plz contribute some excuses..will run out of them soon!)

Ohh and yes "YAAAppy buddayee!! Shivanksha!!!" (<---- gift dun ask fer anythin more!!)

Friday, September 16, 2005

Fartology...the science of foul gas!

A post dedicated to all who would want to get educated in this discipline of biological sciences.

The following is is a question and answer session - The distinguished professor and his international seminar on farts.(inputs from the recorders like me who has been immensely glad to have visited this Rare seminar . U see... the Doctor is always too busy with research projects. )

Dr.Farty Fartinson, Phd.
Dean, department of Fartological sciences,
University of Farton, USA

Q.Where does fart gas come from?

A.The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. (DUH!!!! that was a very scientific answer.. very informative bythe way most of us dint know!!)

Q.What makes farts stink?

A.The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. (Hogging too much in parties ...and saving expense at home make farts stink !!)

Q.Why do farts make noise?

A.The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. You can see proof of this in the close-up video footage of Carl Plant's fart on Mate-ina-state art. (seriouslyyy???? some one made a close up footage?? The guy did it?? in front of cam?? awesome!! such dedication towards one's work and the thrist to solve world's greatest mysteries such and admirable character this proffesor is !!)

Q.How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

A.On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.

( Which dumbass asked this question?? and the prof had to really answer this??
BTW.. we fart 14 times?? a day??? that gas can be used as natural renewable source of energy we need to tap this potential!!!)

Q.Why do farts come out of your butt?

A.The butt is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a fart is an anal escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not crinoids. The crinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is located next to its mouth.
(Dint' the guy ever fart?? and thank you prof for that valuable fact..!! i will remember everytime i eat!!)

Q.How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

A.Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. (ohh okay!! i thot it really depended on the pressure temprature curves which accord to the isochoric processes..the vapor pressure of the gas expulsed is directly proportional to the reaction of the reciever. huh..? what did i just say??)

Q.Is it true that some people never fart?

A.No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.
(May their souls fart in peace !!)

Q.Do even movie stars fart?

A.Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns.( Thank you again for that assurance proffesor!!(I thot I was the only one farting in the world!!......cant' stop laffing though!!!!)

Q.Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

A.Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same.
(sheeeeeeessshh!!! gender bias even in farting??!!!)

Q.How can one cover up a fart? (most intelligent question award!!)

A.These are the various ways -
  • There is a company called
  • Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts.
  • If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present.
  • complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.
  • As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you.
  • Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart.
  • If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he/she heard a fart.
(AAhh!! such advice!!! no wonder the prof is so learned!! what would we have done without him???)

Q.Is it really possible to ignite farts?

A.The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatus. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatus is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter.

(please follow all the precautions and instructions carefully, the company is not subject to blame to hwatever mishaps that might occur.!!!!!)

Q.Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming?(most innovative qoestion award!!)

A.Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. (ohh yess!!! it is such a grave problem can lead to melting of polar ice caps!! nuthing else contributes more that cow fart to global warming.. please join the global warming forum to save the world!!)

Q.Can excessive farting cause impotence?

A. Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky.( Ahh men... u can go to all go to bed without worrying now!!)

Q.Are there any books about farting?

A.There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson.
There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now? by St. Martin's Press.
For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho.
The Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't, by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family.

(holy crappp!!!! so much literature.. dint u write any proffesor??? we will defintely use them for future reference!!)

Thus ended the most illuminative seminar on Fartology.

Love ,
and not farting now

Thursday, September 08, 2005

On Moms, Marriages and those confounded relatives!

Lemme talk about marriages first-
"Marriage is an institution from which most men try to run before association and most women after." (And I being so intellizant, I not wanting to venture anyway!!)
Thus having said that i would like to proceed to marriage scenes -those shaadi's and parties I personally hate to go to and even if i do, i somehow manage beautifully to go to only those where there are no pottas (luck factor!!)
Worse still if they are of relatives and all that !! #$@%^*#$ is all I can say every time.
Every time same dialogues !! Rat key ..they come or what i think !!
One girl they spot .. boley to... finish!! you could say potential matrimony columns in full swings .. jodis are made so fast at ferrari speed..!!!!!
One typical group of old ladies.. all with white hair and pattu silks a stamp pattern..
"ayyo subbalakshmi amma!! enti manavadu naa?? andagadey ney!!!"(ohh grand son huh..?? good looking only!!!)
"aa pilla evaru ??(whoz that girl over there..?) one of them exclaims!!

Now the whole oldey party is interested. That was me..(unfortunately!) .They keep staring, staring at me and I try my level best not to look that way! Finally curiosity tumbles out of the bag and they call me..!! come here!!
I stifle my overexerted nerves that are weak with pretending and go.. and give this characteristic smile...
One particularly old corpulent lady asks me,"evaramma nuvvu??"(who r u?)
me: blah's daughter!!
short sighted old lady:" ohh!! blah's daughter aa?? (blah=dad)
another oldy:"ohho!! blaahh's daughter aaa??!!!(blaahh= mom)
me to myself:(sarcastically- no only blah's daughter!! blaahh!!wasn't involved!!)

Me to them :”yes yes her only!!”

Another one: I saw u when u were 4.!! How big u have become!! You look just like your dad !! so similar!!

Me –(puzzled over ‘big’ factor- fat aa ?? old aa?? And I f I look like dad y did she ask me all that mahabharat anyway..??) Anyway I say nothing.. do that smile again.. this time my cheek muscles aching with agony!!

Corpulent old lady:” how old are u??”

Me: 20

Old lady: ohho!! Wat du do..??

Me: ( to myself-like u wud know anyway!!) im doing bsc.. in blah!!

Her: adenti..??

Another smart lady: like !!

Her: ohho!!

That juncture I smartly exit somehow. Sure that they wud have started the matrimony column for me and some uncanny 6th sense told me it was with the poor bloke.. of the fat woman..

On moms-

Excluding my mom and thanking to god shez not the type I am going to talk about.

You would expect the moms of “eligible girls” being all protective about their daughters, but believe me I’ve even seen moms of guys who are sooo irritating, nosy parker type. Always wanting to know what any girls around the guy is upto as they have this very wrong notion about their ‘suitable boy’.

And we know these typical melodramatic moms of the movies who have this typical black suitcase .. with weirdo bangles and that typical ‘lal’shaadi ka joda. I had always wondered how they know the size since years?? Wat if the gal is fat or short or too long to fit into that ??

More moms are of the type who keep a lookout for their daughter’s perfect match everywhere they go and praising their ladki in front of the potential candidates..

‘She makes such nice food!!’, ‘does all the house work’, ‘my daughter can sing so well!’

‘such nice manners’ etc…

Then come in the relatives.

One fine day the mausi of the girl’s mom’s mamaji calls up home .-‘ I have this match for your daughter. From well cultured family. I met him so many times will be perfect match for her’.

The mom gets all interested ..’accha? who are they?’

Mausi launches into detailed family chart of her’s to explain this relative..’the boy is my warangal cousin’s daughter’s sister in laws husband’s sister’s son. He is in America in some s/w company earns some 80k. you should meet them sometime. They are in India now looking for bride.

Then you never know what happened and when and next week their daughter is all married and set for the US and the mausi in bright spotlight taking credit for this matchmaking and reveling in all praises .

Why I wrote all this is not yet clear to me but I guess with the frustration of reaching 20 and also with the inspiration of a friend whom I was conversing with a few days ago.
and most importantly hoping somehow i could avoid those embarassing situations in life and how to run from those relatives...when that inevitable time comes... but for now as my friend
'Australo' spaked .. FUCITOL!!!

Still wondering ,

Sunday, September 04, 2005

(click on the image to enlarge)
That maths is as gud as mine

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Pretty old forward....but I've always found it funny!!

A Letter To Mom

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom."

With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his
motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,


PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in
my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
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