Fartology...the science of foul gas!

A post dedicated to all who would want to get educated in this discipline of biological sciences.

The following is is a question and answer session - The distinguished professor and his international seminar on farts.(inputs from the recorders like me who has been immensely glad to have visited this Rare seminar . U see... the Doctor is always too busy with research projects. )

Dr.Farty Fartinson, Phd.
Dean, department of Fartological sciences,
University of Farton, USA

Q.Where does fart gas come from?

A.The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. (DUH!!!! that was a very scientific answer.. very informative bythe way most of us dint know!!)

Q.What makes farts stink?

A.The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. (Hogging too much in parties ...and saving expense at home make farts stink !!)

Q.Why do farts make noise?

A.The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. You can see proof of this in the close-up video footage of Carl Plant's fart on Mate-ina-state art. (seriouslyyy???? some one made a close up footage?? The guy did it?? in front of cam?? awesome!! such dedication towards one's work and the thrist to solve world's greatest mysteries such and admirable character this proffesor is !!)

Q.How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

A.On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.

( Which dumbass asked this question?? and the prof had to really answer this??
BTW.. we fart 14 times?? a day??? that gas can be used as natural renewable source of energy we need to tap this potential!!!)

Q.Why do farts come out of your butt?

A.The butt is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a fart is an anal escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not crinoids. The crinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is located next to its mouth.
(Dint' the guy ever fart?? and thank you prof for that valuable fact..!! i will remember everytime i eat!!)

Q.How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

A.Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. (ohh okay!! i thot it really depended on the pressure temprature curves which accord to the isochoric processes..the vapor pressure of the gas expulsed is directly proportional to the reaction of the reciever. huh..? what did i just say??)

Q.Is it true that some people never fart?

A.No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.
(May their souls fart in peace !!)

Q.Do even movie stars fart?

A.Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns.( Thank you again for that assurance proffesor!!(I thot I was the only one farting in the world!!......cant' stop laffing though!!!!)

Q.Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

A.Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same.
(sheeeeeeessshh!!! gender bias even in farting??!!!)

Q.How can one cover up a fart? (most intelligent question award!!)

A.These are the various ways -

• There is a company called
Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts.
• If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present.
• complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.
• As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you.
• Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart.
• If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he/she heard a fart.

(AAhh!! such advice!!! no wonder the prof is so learned!! what would we have done without him???)

Q.Is it really possible to ignite farts?

A.The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatus. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatus is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter.

(please follow all the precautions and instructions carefully, the company is not subject to blame to hwatever mishaps that might occur.!!!!!)

Q.Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming?(most innovative qoestion award!!)

A.Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. (ohh yess!!! it is such a grave problem can lead to melting of polar ice caps!! nuthing else contributes more that cow fart to global warming.. please join the global warming forum to save the world!!)

Q.Can excessive farting cause impotence?

A. Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky.( Ahh men... u can go to all go to bed without worrying now!!)

Q.Are there any books about farting?

A.There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson.
There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now? by St. Martin's Press.
For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho.
The Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't, by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family.

(holy crappp!!!! so much literature.. dint u write any proffesor??? we will defintely use them for future reference!!)


Thus ended the most illuminative seminar on Fartology.

Love ,
and not farting now
PrOgnosticator.